


Dear Catra,

by jrjsunflowers



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, I wanted to get this out in case my motivation stopped before s4, In case catra gets redeemed or things get less angsty between them, This takes place after season three, ive been writing short lil fics lately, sorry this is so short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 11:42:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20545586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jrjsunflowers/pseuds/jrjsunflowers
Summary: A letter from Adora.





	Dear Catra,

**Author's Note:**

> Listen I had this entire fic planned and outlined like 6 months ago and it's only a coincidence and me and the team behind the show had the same idea 
> 
> <strike>although I did take some lines</strike>
> 
> my creative process was basically me screaming the word daydreams in my head until I forced myself to Write It

I learned the word ‘daydreams’ today. Apparently it’s a word used to describe those fantasies you play out in your head. The ones it seems you’re in control of, but I’ve never really had control of my daydreams. 

If I did, I could have daydreamed about impressing Shadow Weaver. I could have spent hours picturing myself taking down the people I now would put my life on the line for. I could have even spent extra time mentally preparing for whatever's to come, but it was always you. 

I daydreamed about winning arguments we’ve had ages ago. Somehow finding out I had the upper hand years too late. Always planning out that perfect comeback in case whatever it was somehow brought up again. 

I daydreamed about our training sessions, the weird way it made me feel to have you so close. How I wanted to be so much closer, but instead did the only thing I knew how to do and fought harder. I stopped being able to rationalize the way my chest bursts everytime I see you, and turned it into adrenaline.

And then I left… But I didn’t stop daydreaming about you.

I daydreamed about warning you and offering what you've always seemed to want, to leave. I expected to have a moment where I could pull you aside, be able to share everything I've seen. I'd tell you about Glimmer, and maybe you'd get a little defensive because it's still you. But I'd look you in the eyes and tell you that I could never replace you, and your shoulders would relax. I wouldn't have to warn you about Bow because he has a way of making everyone fall in love with him. I pictured telling you a hundred times in a hundred different ways and there wasn't a single one in which you said no, except reality, of course. 

I daydreamed waking up next to you nearly every morning. You know those moments where you're not fully awake, but not fully asleep? Where any background noise seems to phase through you as you cuddle further into your pillow. There weren’t a lot of opportunities to sleep in when it came to the fright zone, so maybe you don't. Despite that,I somehow always manage to convince myself that you're by my feet. 

I daydreamed about you showing up, spur of the moment, finally ready to come with me. The guards would stop you before you had a chance, but I'd hear you yell my name. I'd run down and tell them not to hurt you, and they'd ignore me at first, but… Then I'd start over, too unrealistic. 

Sometimes it was more like vague concepts. I watched Spinnerella and Netossa hold hands once, and I couldn't get it out of my head for weeks. I'd trace my fingertips from your elbows down to your wrists. I could almost feel the soft skin of your palm as I slowly dragged my fingers down before intertwining our hands. I'd hold your hands whenever my mind wandered off in boring meetings, or I was having trouble sleeping, or even if I was given a second alone. 

Sometimes I daydreamed about how you would fit into the little family I've formed since leaving. You and Glimmer could have worked past that initial hostility you have for each other, with  _ a lot _ of time that is. Bow would unearth your trama in the span of one week, which might make you a little wary of him, but overall you’d get along. Angella would have grown to love you, maybe even look after you. 

But who you are in my head is someone that doesn’t exist anymore, or maybe she never existed. I don't know if I can accept that, that we always would have wound up this way. 

Maybe if I let you take the lead, you always talked about leaving, I could have offered to go with you. I'd have to figure out some way to ease you into She Ra and the whole rebellion thing, of course. Except that, even then, even if I knew everything I know now, you'd still end up feeling betrayed somehow. You'd get bored and decide you want to go home eventually, and the second I hesitate you'd pick up on it. No matter what I do, even in my head, we always end up here. 

We could have been happy, we should have been happy. How did we end up like this? How did we get so far away from each other?

So much of my life has centered around you. I grew up with this constant responsibility for you. I know it's not your fault, it's mine, but I felt like I was failing you for so long. Looking back, I should have snapped that thread so much sooner, but letting go of that felt like I was letting go of you. I guess it is.

I can't remember what my intention for writing this letter was. I think it started out as a love letter, or a confession of some kind, maybe it's some long memorial to the version of you that I knew. But I want to get one thing clear, this is a warning. 

You wanted me to see you as an enemy? Well, I'm not pleading with you anymore, I'm not falling into your traps anymore, and I'm definitely not going to hold back. 

<strike>I never wanted this,</strike>

<strike> I miss you. </strike>

You got what you wanted, I hope it was worth it. 

Love, 

Adora

  
  



End file.
